I am still in a bit of shock. But along with my friend and co-LAMBS, Katie, and at her house, I recently co-hosted a shower for another friend and co-LAMBS, Tricia. NOTE: a B-A-B-Y shower. Not only did I GO to a baby shower (which I have only done ONCE in the past 7 years and NEVER since losing John Preston) I HOSTED it. I bought decorations. I thought of cute baby sayings. I shopped on-line baby stores. I bought pink stuff. I bought baby stuff. I sat with 7 other women who HAVE children for 2 hours. Here's the real kicker. I ENJOYED IT. Yes, there were some moments when my dropped to my feet momentarily. Yes, there were awkward moments where I felt a little lonely and left out (not because of anyone else's actions of course). But over all, it was fun working with Katie on decorations and gifts and food. It was fun seeing Tricia's face light up over all the gifts and all the decorations.
Was it because of who the baby-mamma is - a LAMBS who I adore, one I have watched suffer tremendously (physically and emotionally) over the near-death-herself loss of her little girl Rylee, one I have watched cope with this journey to meet the new baby Piper with mega joy, and some fear, one who fully understands how totally precious Piper will be?
...OR...
Was it because time truly heals most of our wounds and I am finally at a point where I can feel joy for those who get to have children?
...OR...
Am I just nice?
I would say a combination of all 3, but not 100% of any.
It IS much easier to accept and watch a pregnancy come to term when you know that the mamma carrying really, truly understands how precious that pregnancy is. Twice a week, every week, I watch 15-20 pregnant women walk up and down my office hallway on their way to and from Parent's Day Out. And I realize that I don't know everyone's story. But when you see that many pregnant woman taking their kids to PDO, it is hard to think that they truly understand how precious their bellies are. I hear them complain about weight and water-retention and being tired and wanting it to be over with. THAT does not encourage childless women to like child-ful women.
So I know that part of it is that I love Tricia so much and I know she really truly honestly KNOWS how blessed she is.
It gets easier every day to see pregnant people. Or rather, it sucks less. Seeing a pregnant woman used to make me want to lie down in the floor, kick and scream and throw up. Now my stomach just drops to my feel for a few seconds and then I can move on.
So I know part of it is that time makes things better (or suck less, depending on how you look at it.)
I am pretty sure it isn't just cause I am nice, cause I am pretty selfish, and if I hadn't WANTED to do it for Tricia and with Katie, I wouldn't have done it.
All in all, I am super thrilled I did it. All in all, don't plan on me doing another for another 5 years.
But see? There IS life after infertility!!!!!